The Bones are More Important than the Paint

image by Margaret Jacobsen

Have you ever seen a house built from beginning to end? When done right, that house can stand the test of time, mother nature, and more. Have you ever seen a house built on a cracked foundation? The effects of its shoddy craftsmanship ripple through the house, showing up as cracks in walls, and uneven flooring. No amount of spackle or paint will hide that weak foundation for long, eventually, the cracks will return and the floor will continue to shift beneath your feet. What does that have to do with you and your partner?

Well, as Maren Morris puts it, "when the bones are good the rest don't matter". Meaning, if you build your relationship right, the world around you can do its worst and the house you've built will stand strong.

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If building a strong marriage is more important than planning an epic wedding, let's talk, we may just be a perfect fit.

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The commitment to doing life with someone else is the biggest commitment you can make. It's a commitment to grow and change alongside someone else and building that life starts with a good foundation. That should take priority over the perfect wedding, I even believe it should be a higher priority than children (but that's a different blog post).

The ring, flowers, dress, and wedding are just the paint on what should be some exceptionally built bones. They are the decorative pieces that adorn your beautiful relationship and they shouldn't be on the table to discuss until you've built a solid beginning.

You will have years of trials, their family, your family, children, sex, frustrations, dissatisfaction, etc. You will face hard challenges, no really, let me say it for the people in the back, YOU WILL FACE HARD CHALLENGES. There's no way around that and that's ok, nothing worth having is ever easy.

Prioritize the bones. "The house don't fall when the bones are good".

Xx, Bethany

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Hey!

How's it going?

I'm Bethany!

I am a born and raised Oregon artist, photographer, and moment junkie.  Most days you can find me in a tattered eighties sweater and jeans, cold coffee in hand, chasing my kids.

3 Reasons You Should Have a Coordinator

Of all the services we had for our wedding this was one of two that was non-negotiable (I’m sure you can guess the other).

Prior to planning my wedding, I had attended my fair share as both a guest and photographer. The ones with no coordinator were, generally speaking (not always), dumpster fires. Nothing and everything was happening all at once, and like a car wreck, you couldn’t look away. Except the wreckage was people looking lost and wondering if the festivities were over and some people leaving before it's really begun. If you’re considering coordinating your own wedding I want to encourage you to give yourself the biggest gift and ask someone else to take this off your shoulders. Here's why...

Headspace.

I completely understand how and why someone might think they can coordinate their wedding and walk down the aisle, but you guys, making the plans and executing the plans are not the same.

I can see this bride, we are kindred spirits. She’s designing her invitations, foraging for her centerpieces (yes, foraging) and between juggling her work week and home life, she’s planning her wedding down to the most minute details. This girl can juggle spinning plates while balancing a ball on her nose. But this is one day where the ball and plates need to be handed off. This day is a rollercoaster of emotions and once in a lifetime experiences, be present for it.

Rhythm.

There is a rhythm to everything, even weddings. Your coordinator knows this and will be checking in on schedule and details you never realized you needed to be thinking about. Your focus should be on, making memories with your partner and the people that came to celebrate with you, not on making sure the buffet and coffee get restocked while the toasts are going on.

Outside Eyes.

When you’re swimming in the planning it can be hard to get your head above the details to see the holes that need plugging. Your coordinator will rock this. They are the designated problem anticipator and solver. My coordinator tackled a host of things I didn’t realize needed tackling on the day of. You need someone whose goal is to make sure this day is pulled off without a hitch (or at least someone who will navigate any issues so that to you it appeared hitchless).

If you need someone to give you permission, I’m volunteering. For this one day, give yourself the biggest gift of a break and outsource the hosting. It could be a pro or your great aunt Shirley. Whoever it is, find someone other than you to take the lead. You will not regret it.

Xx, Bethany

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Hey! I'm Bethany!

I'm a born and raised Oregon artist, photographer, and moment junkie.

Most days you can find me in a tattered eighties sweater and jeans, cold coffee in hand, chasing my kids.

Should You Have an Unplugged Wedding?

My initial thought as a photographer and as someone who didn’t “unplug” my wedding is, ‘yes’. Here’s why...

You have spent months, maybe even years, planning and preparing for this day. From the big details of where and when, to the little touches specially designed to put a smile on your groom’s face. I want to encourage you to take a moment to think about the day. What does it look like? What does it feel like? Seriously, close your eyes and envision it if that helps.

Do you have your vision?

Now, fast forward to the day of. You’ve just said, ‘I do’ and you’re on cloud nine, rushing down the aisle, with your photographer in tow. While they are capturing some post-ceremony moments of you and your beloved, your grandma pops up next to them to capture the same pictures with her phone… she might even be so bold as to ask you to look at her.

How awkward on a number of levels. Nobody wants to bounce grandma. She’s excited and you’re not looking to squash that and yet, having her camera in addition to the photographer you paid, causes an unpleasant situation on a day when your biggest concern should be sending someone out for more ice (a problem you were unaware of because your rad coordinator handled it like a boss).

You also might consider that if your guests are standing on the sidelines as your personal paparazzi, they're not participating in the celebration that was intended to include them and what a bummer that would be.

Image by Margaret Jacobsen

So when, where and how do you let them know?

On your invitation,

Include it with your invitation. It could be a separate card or it could be right on the invitation (I would do this because that little card might get their attention upon opening but no one is putting that on their refrigerator).

Now, how do you say it. It could be a clever rhyme, or be on the nose. Here is some sample language for you to consider,

We're having an unplugged wedding!

• “We’ve asked a professional photographer to capture this special day so that you can sit back, relax and enjoy it with us. ”

• “As we tie the knot, please be our guest and let our photographer take care of the rest!”

On the day of,

Remind them again on your wedding day. You can do this on your program, or with a beautifully crafted sign before they take their seats.You can even have someone announce it before the ceremony starts.

Welcome to our unplugged wedding!

• “We invite you to be fully present with us during our ceremony, please turn off all phones and cameras. Thank you!”

• “The bride and groom kindly request an unplugged ceremony. Please turn off all devices and enjoy being fully present in these moments with us.”

• “The greatest gift you can give us today is to be truly present, please turn off all phones and cameras and enjoy these special moments with us. ”

• “Thank you for coming! We have but one plea. Please keep our ceremony camera-free. Though our I Do’s are unplugged, our reception is not. Once our vows are exchanged, you’re free to take a shot!”

How ever you say it, clear is kind. Set your day up for success by setting clear expectations.

Xx, Bethany

#IMO #inmyopinion #wedding #unplugged #unpluggedwedding #unpluggedceremony